18.
Facing Life's Challenges Together
There are three great gifts
in life
Faith. Hope and Love,
But the greatest of these is Love.
Corinthians 13:13
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and Prince
Philip had just completed their royal tour of the city.
The main streets of Wellington were still adorned with
flags and other decorations. It was mid-summer and the
weather was superb, without the typical gale-force winds,
by which the capital was so aptly described as 'windy
Wellington'. Many families were enjoying the brilliant
sunshine and the warmth of Wellington's Anniversary
Weekend, on the beaches around the bays.
For us, Saturday, the 23rd January 1954 was the
long-awaited special day, on which we were to be married
in the morning at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart near
the New Zealand Parliament Buildings. My two bridesmaids
arrived early to assist and to keep me company. My chief
bridesmaid was Elizabeth Zaleska who also lived in
Queen's Drive in Lyall Bay, just a few houses away from
ours. She was my closest friend. The second bridesmaid
was Yeolande Harris, a friend from Teachers' Training
College. I greatly valued the support and friendship of
them both. In keeping with tradition, my wedding gown was
a white, full-length dress of floral embossed taffeta,
trimmed with a large, white satin collar and small satin
buttons down the centre front and on the long fitting
sleeves. The bodice was edged with white satin along the
waistline of the gathered full skirt, which ended in a
long train. The long, net veil was adjusted onto a
coronet of white cherry blossom. I carried a beautiful
bouquet of white Christmas lilies with some maiden fern.
My bridesmaids wore full length turquoise taffeta dresses
with off-the-shoulder neck lines. They carried bouquets
of pink carnations. I felt like a queen and immensely
enjoyed this special attention on my wedding day. I was
given away by Mr. Charles McCann.
At the Basilica of the Sacred Heart Wim waited,
accompanied by the best man Maurice Rondou, a Belgian,
and his groomsman, Peter Aarts from Holland, along with
several guests. The ceremonial nuptial Mass followed the
usual exchange of the marriage vows. The singing was
magnificent, especially the Panis Angelicus and
Schubert's Ave Maria sung by Gerard van Trigt, Wim's
Dutch friend. At the conclusion of this ceremony, in
accordance with the Dutch custom, I placed a bouquet of
white carnations by the statue of the Virgin Mary, on the
side altar. Outside the church several pupils from my
class at the Lyall Bay school showered us with confetti,
as we were being congratulated by many assembled
well-wishers.
The luncheon reception for 36 special guests was held at
the registered nurses' club rooms. The rose garden there
was a beautiful sight at that time of the year, with an
array of multi-coloured blooms lining both sides of the
pathway. This breathtaking scene was indeed a fitting
entrance to a wedding banquet.
In keeping with a Polish custom, on arrival at the
reception Wim and I were presented with a loaf of bread
and salt by my mother. This gesture was to remind us that
in our home we should welcome everyone to share with us
whatever we possessed. This idea of generous hospitality
was truly characteristic of the Eastern European spirit.
Unfortunately, Wim had no relatives present to share this
important day with. My mother's nursing friend Mrs. Burl
Nees officially represented Wim's mother on this
occasion. The wedding speeches included an emotional
address by my mother and Mr. Charles McCann, who told us
that he felt honoured to act as my father. He also
referred to our first meeting during the sea voyage from
India aboard the Chyebassa, where our friendship began.
Toasts were proposed and sung In three languages,
English, Dutch and Polish, for this was indeed an
international gathering, with guests of many ethnic
European origins, all united in the celebration of our
wedding day. Luckily, we were able to record all the
day's proceedings on a colour film for Wim's family in
Holland.
We spent our fortnight's honeymoon in Auckland and in
Tauranga, where we enjoyed being by ourselves near the
sea. On our return to Wellington reality hit us with a
bang. We had no savings and a bill for 45 pounds for our
wedding photographs awaited us. This represented about
three weeks' income from our combined salaries.
Our first home was a small bach at the back of a Newtown
house. The iron roof without ceiling heated by the hot
summer sun made the dwelling stuffy in the extreme. The
furniture was second-hand and basic. We prepared our
meals on a small, portable electric stove. Toilet
facilities were shared with the landlords in their home.
However, we were together, a married couple, and we were
glad of a roof over our heads.
Wim resumed his evening classes, being determined to
complete all six units of the Section B requirements.
During the day he was engaged in the development of the
large residential scheme in the Porirua area, while I
worked in Wellington. A couple of months later we
discovered that we were to become parents in October
1954, and we realised we would have to find better
accommodation within our meagre means. Wim's weekly wage
was only eight pounds. and mine was 10 pounds 10
shillings per week. We were delighted when a two-roomed
bach belonging to the Ministry of Works was made
available for us to rent at Tawa, near the present
motorway. The rent was modest. We now had more space,
with a separate bedroom, dining-kitchen room and a
bathroom of our own. Tawa was much closer to Porirua,
where Wim was working for the Housing Division. I
remained working until the final two months before our
first baby's birth in October.
During that period we lived very frugally, so we were
able to save enough money to buy an Elna sewing machine,
which I was able to use for many years to come. We had no
refrigerator, no washing machine or vacuum cleaner, the
modern conveniences which everyone in New Zealand now
takes for granted. Our only furniture consisted of a
small table, a couple of wooden stools, an old-fashioned
second-hand couch, and a used bedroom suite, our wedding
present from my mother. We had a strong will to succeed
in our new life together, prepared to surmount many
obstacles to build our future. Unable to afford the bus
fare from downtown Wellington, Wim walked several
kilometres to and from the Wellington Technical College
each evening for his engineering lectures. Then after
9.00 p.m. he caught the train to Tawa station and walked
about 15 minutes uphill to our home. He was frequently
too exhausted to eat his evening meal, but that was not
yet the end of the day's activities, as several hours of
study followed. I tried to assist Wim wherever possible.
I summarised a textbook in geology for him and suggested
regular short tests on his lecture notes, which we
strictly timed. We wanted to do as much together as
possible.
Unfortunately, during the end of the eighth month of my
pregnancy I suffered from very severe toxaemia, which
necessitated Immediate admittance to the Wellington
Public Hospital for absolute rest and a carefully
monitored salt-free diet, with controlled liquid intake
and further tests. After 10 days in hospital under this
strict medical surveillance, I felt slightly better but
my blood pressure remained very high and I still retained
excessive body fluid. Further complications resulted in
an emergency caesarean operation to save the life of the
baby and my own, so our first, tiny but healthy, daughter
was born three weeks prematurely, on 6th October 1954,
two weeks before Wim's final engineering examinations.
Although the circumstances surrounding this birth were
traumatic, we were overjoyed that everything had ended
happily. We were certainly very proud of our first-born
daughter, whom we named, after her two grandmothers,
Sophia Alexandra. She was my mother's first grandchild
and the first granddaughter of Wim's parents. Wim was
permitted to see his child a few hours after her birth,
but I was denied that pleasure until three days later
when I was allowed to see her fast asleep in her bassinet
in the nursery. We remained in Wellington Hospital for a
fortnight before I was discharged.
Our baby was then transferred to a special Karitane
hospital for premature infants, where I was able to join
her four weeks later and to hold her in my arms for the
first time. Wim sat his engineering examinations and,
against the odds, passed five of his six papers. He was
the only candidate from his course in Wellington to
achieve this success. This result gave him a partial pass
in Section B of the New Zealand Institution of Civil
Engineers Examinations; he was required to resit the one
paper on engineering materials.
Our supportive, generous friends provided us with many
essentials for the new baby. Finally, at six weeks,
Sophia reached the weight of 6 lbs 4 ozs and I was
allowed to bring her to our humble home in Tawa. Soon
thereafter another friend, a surveyor Wilbur Wright, paid
us an unexpected visit showing us a newspaper clipping
advertising a quarter acre building section in Stokes
Valley for 270 pounds, which was situated near his home.
He felt that this piece of land was a good buy. He added,
'if you don't buy this you are the biggest fools in New
Zealand'. We trusted his judgement implicitly and bought
the land straight away without even having seen it and in
spite of the fact that we had only 100 pounds towards the
cash sale. The balance had to be paid in one month.
As an interim measure we managed to arrange a private
loan, which had to be repaid two months later. On Wim's
meagre salary of eight pounds per week we were just able
to exist, living very frugally. Therefore, it was
impossible to save anything to reduce our debt. We cashed
in our superannuation savings and were still 95 pounds
short. We found it extremely difficult to close the gap
and in desperation we approached Mrs. Nees, who had
represented Wim's mother at our wedding. This wonderful
friend helped immediately, but It took us the best part
of a year and a half to repay this sum.
In the meantime Wim decided to relinquish his Ministry of
Works job, hoping to increase his earnings byjoining a
group of builders who tendered for housing projects in
the Wellington-Hutt Valley region. Wim had never done
this type of work before but he learned quickly,
mastering useful new skills. Meanwhile, we moved to
Stokes Valley in the Hutt Valley area, which was then a
very small isolated settlement. Wilbur Wright sold us on
suspended payment a double army hut, which he had earlier
used as an office. This hut was lifted by a crane and
'walked across' the adjoining paddocks to be placed on
the rear part of our section. A small garden shed, which
was purchased as part of the section was then added to
the double army hut. Our house grew like topsy and to
complete it all Wim built a lean-to from old car cases to
act as the wash-house with a copper and two concrete
washing tubs. This conglomeration became 'our palace' for
the next 18 months. We had no bathroom or shower and only
a primitive outside toilet.
The army hut was eight feet wide and 20 feet long, with a
door in the middle and a small window at either end.
Under one window was a kitchen sink, a small portable
Atlas stove on a stand, our table and two round wooden
stools. A wardrobe formed a partition to shelter the
sleeping area from the drafts when the door opened. At
the end we managed to place a single bed, a chest of
drawers, a cot and a play pen. In these circumstances we
attempted to live and raise our daughter Sophia, whom we
called Zosia. Both our neighbours, the Hewitts and the
Kitchingmans, were terrific people. They allowed us to
use their showers, and dried Zosia's napkins in wet
weather. It was wonderful to have their sincere
friendship and constant support at this difficult time.
Wim worked every day, leaving early in the morning while
Zosia was still asleep. He arrived home late in the
evening exhausted, when our daughter was again tucked
down in her cot, oblivious to her father's presence.
Furthermore, we were in financial difficulties. The
inexperienced building contractors with whom Wim worked
underpriced their tenders for various housing projects.
Consequently, they were losing money on most jobs and so
they were unable to pay themselves regular wages. I
received the state child allowance benefit of two pounds
per month and every few weeks 10 pounds if Wim got paid.
Our circumstances were indeed most difficult, but we
battled on regardless. Although Wim still needed to resit
the one remaining unit for Section B of the New Zealand
Institution of Engineers' Examination in October 1955, he
had no time or energy left for study. As the year
progressed I felt increasingly concerned about this.
Finally, utterly exhausted, three weeks before he was due
to sit that examination, Wim decided to quit his
builder's job to study.
Our one-year-old daughter Zosia was a healthy child at a
most interesting stage of development, just beginning to
talk and walk. I felt that it was a great pity that Wim
had completely missed her first year of life. Now at last
he became acquainted with Zosia, who brought us much joy.
I remember him saying, 'I did not know that she was so
lovely'. These three weeks spent at home were the
beginning of a close, lasting bond, which was to develop
between them in later years.
Fortunately, Wim succeeded in passing the engineering
materials paper after these three weeks of intensive
study. With the completion of this engineering
requirement he obtained a civil engineering position with
the Hutt Valley Drainage Board. We were delighted to have
some financial security at last. In this new position he
had the opportunity of gaining further practical
experience in engineering design and in the supervision
of engineering projects, all essential requirements for
Section C, which would lead to Wim's registration as a
civil engineer. This later also enabled him to become a
member of the New Zealand Institution of Engineers.
Attainment of that goal was now a distinct possibility.
Our neighbours Margaret and Arthur Kitchingman and Edith
and Nev Hewitt, continued to be most friendly and
supportive. We valued this immensely. Without their
assistance and caring I would have been totally isolated.
There was no money to visit my Polish friends in
Wellington. In those days public transport by train and
bus was expensive. Bus connections between Lower Hutt and
Stokes Valley were infrequent. We also found that few
acquaintances wanted to visit us while we were poverty
stricken. Gradually, through Wim's colleagues at the
Drainage Board, we made new friends. I brightened our
small hut interior with attractive curtains and created a
flower garden outside. Arthur Kitchingman helped Wim to
repair the door to keep out the rain. This practical
gesture was in keeping with the true Kiwi 'do-it-yourself
spirit.
In 1956 I became pregnant with our second child. Now we
desperately needed a house to live in, as it would be
impossible to find space for another child in our tiny
army hut. In the meantime Zosia slept in a cot in the
garden shed attached to the hut. It was very damp, so I
needed to dry her mattress and bedding before her every
sleep in that shed. I started encouraging Wim to apply
for a State Advances loan to build our house on the front
part of our section. To be eligible for such a loan we
were required to have a substantial deposit, but we had
no private savings. Furthermore, we were still paying off
our 95 pound loan for the land, borrowed from Mrs. Nees.
Wim was thus most reluctant to apply for a housing loan.
However, I prevailed upon him to do so.
When Wim presented himself for an official interview with
a representative of the State Advances Corporation, he
was asked, 'How is it possible that you have no savings
after four years in New Zealand? You Dutch people are
usually frugal, resourceful and manage to accumulate some
capital'. Wim explained that he had concentrated on
obtaining the New Zealand Institution of Civil Engineers
qualifications instead. On hearing this, the
interviewer's attitude changed immediately and he
indicated that assistance might be possible. He realised
that Wim was a responsible person, who had succeeded in
obtaining tertiary qualifications in a foreign language.
He also appreciated the impossibility of our continuing
to live in a small hut with two children. A few weeks
later the loan for our house was approved on the
condition that the concrete foundations would be
constructed as our initial contribution to the project.
As winter set in, life in our modest dwelling became more
difficult. Again our wonderful neighbours dried our
clothes and helped us in many ways. One day as I was
washing clothes in our draughty lean-to, struggling with
a scrubbing board and a hand wringer, six months pregnant
and with 18-month-old Zosia by my side, Edith Hewitt saw
me. She was a very compassionate person and insisted that
I use her washing machine every week until our baby was
born. She always prepared morning tea for us while I did
our washing in her home. We looked forward to these
weekly treats and a friendly chat. Zosia frequently
played with Joy and Kevin Kitchingman next door or in our
place. I enjoyed spending time with the children, amusing
them with books, drawings and jigsaw puzzles, or relating
children's tales which I recalled from my childhood days
in Poland. At the end of each day Zosia was always
delighted to see her father. Her joy at seeing him arrive
home was obvious as she ran laughing to hug and greet
him. Wim was very proud of his eldest daughter.
Meanwhile, now that our housing loan had been approved,
Wim worked hard every evening and in the weekends to pour
the concrete foundations of the house. This heavy work
caused him considerable back strain which was to trouble
him greatly in later years. Wim's friend Mr. Grimes, a
builder from Lower Hutt, assisted us to guarantee a
temporary loan with the bank and undertook to deliver
building materials on suspended payments. Somehow we were
always able to make our payments by the due date and we
even managed to erect and pay for the framing before the
first progress payment was due. This was indeed a great
achievement. Wim's six months' building experience was
now invaluable, especially as we could not afford to
employ a carpenter. Another friend, Arie Trumm, a
successful Dutch builder from Johnsonville, assisted with
the erection of the roof rafters one weekend. We learned
afterwards that he had been discharged from the hospital
only a few days prior to that, following the removal of
his appendix. He had been advised not to do any heavy
lifting or carpentry, but regardless of that he had
helped a friend in need.
On completion of the foundations, framing and roofrafters
of our house, this preliminary structure was inspected
before we received the first progress payment. We now
proceeded with the next stage by employing a brick-layer,
a plumber and an electrician. We also managed to repay
our loan to Mrs. Nees after 18 months. Wim worked
steadily on the carpentry work each evening after work
until the house was covered in. We looked forward to
moving into the house soon after our second child's
birth. By the time our son Stephen Jan was born in Lower
Hutt on 3rd November 1956, the house was completed except
for the necessary drainage pipes.
We were overjoyed to have a healthy son, born without the
complications which had accompanied our Zosia's birth two
years previously. I returned with our new baby to our
tiny place for three weeks while the drainage work was
being completed. We felt very happy now with our two
healthy children and a new house ready to move into. We
were now the proud owners of a three-bedroomed home with
modern toilet facilities, a spacious kitchen-washroom
area and a large living room. After 18 months of living
in our cramped accommodation we were literally 'lost in
space'. We had no floor coverings, no curtains, no light
fittings or living room furniture, but we felt like
royalty in a palace. Six months later we acquired a
second-hand wringer washing machine and a fridge. Wim's
salary of 802 pounds per year was sufficient to live on,
but left no surplus cash to buy home furnishings. I made
children's garments from material remnants purchased at
shop sales. We had no private transport, but Wim was
provided with a van from the Drainage Board to travel to
and from work with other staff members, whom he picked up
along the way.
On 30th May 1958 our second daughter Annemarie was born
at the Lower Hutt Hospital. Soon thereafter Wim's
recurrent back problems increased in intensity. However,
he persevered refusing to take time off work. With the
same determination he resisted taking prescribed
painkillers until finally he was confined to bed. In that
acute state, with constant severe back pain, Wim was
admitted to hospital. Although initially some improvement
in his condition was evident, it became clear that Wim's
spine needed to be completely immobllised for a time.
After further consultations his entire upper body was
encased in a plaster cast for three months. This
procedure was very effective, and three months later when
the plaster was removed, he was at last free of pain and
was able to resume work.
October 1958 was a very significant month for us. On 11th
October 1958 Wim became a naturalised New Zealander,
having willingly renounced his Dutch nationality. Now we
were all New Zealand citizens, either by birth or by
choice. Wim and I were both proud of our respective
origins in Europe, and our native lands of Holland and
Poland, but we now felt increasingly part of this country
where our three children had been born. Now we belonged
here. In the same month Wim also attended his
professional engineer's interview, an oral examination,
which was conducted after he had completed a required
period of responsibility for several practical
engineering projects and the presentation of an original
engineering design. All these requirements were essential
to the completion of Section C, leading to registration
in New Zealand as a civil engineer. On 3rd December 1958
Wim was granted registration, which gave him the right to
practice as a civil engineer in New Zealand. He became a
Member of the New Zealand Institute of Engineers.
That year the Hungarian uprising against the Communist
regimes in Eastern Europe was crushed mercilessly by the
Soviet army. There was much bloodshed in that country as
Soviet tanks moved in to abort the attempts to get rid of
Soviet influence and Communist ideology. We were very
saddened by these events, which for me brought back
painful memories of the past. We felt all the more
fortunate to be New Zealanders now, with our young family
in our new home. We decided, therefore, to share our
house with some of the Hungarian refugees who had fled
from Budapest during that unsuccessful uprising and who
had come to New Zealand as political refugees. We were
assigned two single men, who remained with us until they
were able to commence work in Lower Hutt where they later
obtained alternative accommodation.
In 1959 Wim decided to broaden his engineering experience
in another area in New Zealand. He applied for two
positions, one in Taranaki and another in Hawke's Bay. He
was appointed as the Borough Engineer of Waipukurau in
Central Hawke's Bay. I regretted leaving our first house.
We decided to rent it initially. We now had a well
landscaped garden and the house was now furnished with
attractive drapes and floor coverings. As we had little
furniture our move to Waipukurau was uncomplicated. All
our material possessions fitted easily onto the back of a
truck. We decided to travel by train. It was sad to
farewell our caring neighbours, with whom, however, we
were to retain lasting friendships.
As we left Stokes Valley we felt ready to face new
challenges beyond. The surmounting of our earlier
difficulties in life had made us into stronger human
beings, able to rely largely on our own individual
resources and to support each other well.
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