17.
Our Friendship and Marriage
The unexamined life is
Not worth living.
Socrates
When Wim and I met in April 1952, I was 20
years of age and a second-year student at the Wellington
Teachers' Training College. I was also studying English
at Victoria University. I was living with my mother and
brother at Lyall Bay in our rented accommodation. We were
already naturalised New Zealand citizens, and had spoken
fluent English for a number of years. Thus, we had
gradually become integrated into our new country and we
continued to absorb and adjust to its British cultural
heritage, while still being proud of our own Polish
origins and culture. We maintained our links with the
Polish community in Wellington through our personal
friends and through the Polish Association. However, we
also had very genuine friendships with New Zealanders and
with immigrants of other ethnic origins, whom we had met
In Wellington.
Wim was 27 years old. He had been In New Zealand for
about eight months and had recently returned from his
rejuvenating South Island journey. He was working as a
labourer on the wharf In Wellington and saving money to
tour the North Island, again on his three-speed bicycle.
He intended returning to Holland after visiting
Australia. He now spoke English fluently, but still felt
the Isolation of being so recent an immigrant to New
Zealand. Wim's spirit was restless. This restlessness
originated in the stresses of his youth during the war
years, followed by his traumatic experiences In the Dutch
army in Indonesia. Although these disturbing events of
the past were temporarily suppressed in his subconscious,
they had to be worked through In the years to come.
Meanwhile, we all needed to concentrate on daily living
In this new land, where acceptance depended on the speed
of integration into the British culture of New Zealand.
Indeed, new settlers were expected to lose their
different ethnic identities as soon as possible. Dutch
Immigration was encouraged on a larger scale, because
they were considered to be not only resourceful and
hardworking, but also able to integrate well into New
Zealand society. The Dutch were regarded as 'good
Britishers'. In my opinion, at that time, Insufficient
thought was given to the fact that new settlers' cultural
differences were part of their own personalities and in
giving up their culture they were deprived of an integral
part of themselves. New Zealand society was consequently
deprived of the enrichment by diversity of cultural
heritage of its new settlers. Only many years later was
this acknowledged and more widely understood. Now New
Zealanders are proud of their multi-cultural society,
aware of benefiting from ethnic differences In their
midst.
Like Wim. I had suffered trauma and deprivations during
the war years. In my case this occurred during the
formative years of childhood, when I was deprived of a
loving father and the stability associated with family
life. Since I was eight years old I had been exposed to
constant changes In different countries. For me the
creation of a stable family home environment In New
Zealand was a dream, which I hoped to realise one day.
Wim was fortunate to have had a solid, stable family in
Holland. which equipped him well to cope with life's
adversities In later years.
In spite of our different ethnic origins we were
instantly attracted to each other. We had our Roman
Catholic background in common; we were trying to create a
new life for ourselves; we were healthy, young and full
of energy and idealism. Moreover, as new settlers In New
Zealand we faced constant adjustment to the dominant
British culture of the land and needed acceptance,
understanding and emotional fulfillment. We enjoyed each
other's company and recognised one another's potential.
After a few months of getting to know one another, our
empathy deepened and we were increasingly able to
Identify with each other's needs. Wim now considered
remaining in New Zealand after all. He wanted to find
employment related to his technical education in Holland,
which could ensure better long-term prospects for his
future in this country. Wim began to see that he needed
to develop and utllise his active Intellect In order to
realise his potential. I offered to help him with his
English and we began with regular, twice weekly English
lessons. I was delighted with my Initial success as a
teacher of my second language. which was now our common
tongue.
In July 1952 Wim obtained employment at the Ministry of
Works in the Aerodrome Services Division In Wellington as
a design draughtsman. an occupation related to his work
in The Netherlands. Wim wanted to eventually become a
registered civil engineer. However, his Dutch
qualification In mechanical engineering was not
recognised In New Zealand and he therefore needed to pass
national examinations in New Zealand to make any headway
towards becoming a registered civil engineer. This was
the course he now resolved to pursue.
During the first seven months In the new job, Wim worked
on the Nandi Airport extension proposals, the Wellington
International Airport projections and other similar
developments in New Zealand. He soon discovered that his
position as a design draughtsman would not lead to future
qualification as an engineer. Meanwhile, Wim's Dutch
Polytechnic qualifications were evaluated and wrongly
assessed as being equivalent to the New Zealand
University Entrance Examinations level. However, as more
Dutchmen arrived here with similar engineering
qualifications Wim's earlier assessment was reclassified.
His Dutch qualifications were now deemed to be equivalent
of Section A of the New Zealand Institution of Civil
Engineers. Consequently, along with others in this
position, Wim was granted Section A with the exception of
the Theory of Structures unit. He now enrolled for that
paper and the six papers comprising Section B of the New
Zealand Institution of Engineers Examination requirements
during the 1953 academic year. In order to move closer to
his projected goal he now urgently needed to transfer to
another branch In the Ministry of Works to gain the
necessary practical engineering experience In the field.
Moreover, he was Informed that he would need five years
of practical survey experience to meet the requirements
of the New Zealand qualification. Unfortunately, Wim
found his superiors very reluctant to grant him his
request for a transfer to another division. He was sworn
at and told that he was wasting his time, because such
examinations were obtainable only by bright New
Zealanders. Wim expressed his Indignation at this
unexpectedly blunt treatment, but the next day he
obtained his transfer to the Housing Division as a field
assistant. In this new position he had an opportunity to
gain some of the practical engineering experience
necessary.
With Wim's ability, determination and his sound Dutch
education, he grasped the essentials very quickly. In
November 1953 Wim sat the final paper of the Section A
unit, the Theory of Structures and passed. That same year
he also prepared for Section B by attending evening
classes, while he worked In the Wellington office of the
Housing Division. With the completion of that requirement
Wim decided to proceed with further study in 1954 to
obtain the six units of Section B of the engineering
examinations.
Meanwhile, I continued at the Teachers' Training College
in Wellington In 1952 to complete the second and final
year of teaching theory combined with the practical
skills gained at various primary schools in the capital.
That same year I passed two English papers towards a
Bachelor of Arts degree at Victoria University. My
studentship at the Teachers' Training College entitled me
to an income of seven pounds per week, which was barely
sufficient for board and public transport. To pay for my
study text books and clothing I worked as a waitress
during the school holidays. University fees were paid
for, since I had obtained the University Entrance
qualification, which in those days entitled every New
Zealand student to free university study.
In spite of our work and heavy study commitments, Wim and
I continued our friendship. That year we spent Christmas
together, celebrating it In the Polish tradition. After
New Year we set off together on a holiday, traveling to
Napier before proceeding to Eskdale, where we camped
overnight. Unfortunately, the weather deteriorated,
forcing us to seek shelter in a railway hut, where we
became stranded for a few days. We then decided to return
to Napier, where we had a relaxing time for the remainder
of the week. We became close friends.
In February 1953 I obtained my first teaching position In
the junior department of the Lyall Bay Primary School in
Wellington. In March I also continued further part-time
university studies. I took seven papers, which was the
equivalent of a full-time study course. I was strongly
advised against attempting such a demanding timetable on
a part-time basis, but I decided to proceed as planned.
My study consisted of three stage two Education units,
two Philosophy papers and two Russian language units. I
needed to be well organised to cope with teaching in my
first school and my heavy study load. I had a very busy
schedule with little time for leisure.
On my 22nd Birthday, on the 27th March 1953 Wim and I
became officially engaged. We celebrated that occasion
with a small party with our close friends and my family.
Wim bought me a beautiful diamond ring and presented me
with a large bouquet of flowers. It was the most
memorable of occasions. That year was a busy one for us
both, with heavy study commitments most evenings during
the week. While I attended lectures at university after
full days of teaching, Wim continued evening classes at
the Wellington Technical College. During week days we saw
each other very seldom, but we always looked forward to
our weekends, when we could be together. Wim had a
comfortable room in a house in Thorndon, while I
continued to live with my mother in Lyall Bay. The year
passed very quickly, as we strived to reach our
respective goals, to gain further New Zealand academic
qualifications. We decided to marry on 23rd January 1954
during the Wellington Anniversary Weekend. We looked
eagerly forward to that day.
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